My Mistress is so wise. And as my Mistress She is also my teacher and mentor. Being somewhat new to this lifestyle, I sincerely appreciate having such a wise, caring, and strict Mistress. The trust I've developed in Mistress Alegria has allowed me to journey deeper into my desired role as a chastised submissive.
Mistress Alegria has made me understand that "Her" little cock can on longer be a pleasure center for me. That is the only way I can, in the deepest recesses of my mind, accept total submissiveness to her loving guidance. "Her" cock is to be completely "Hers". However, in her infinite wisdom, Mistress Alegria has imparted to me that for her to remove one pleasure center without replacing it with another would not work. Nature abhors a vacuum. Failing to replace this pleasure center could lead to depression or resentment. While I derive great emotional pleasure from being allowed to serve her needs and desires, and love the compliments and rewards when a task is well done, I do enjoy some bodily/physical pleasure on occasion.
For this reason primarily, and also because she enjoys it, Mistress Alegria has begun me on a program of anal training. As her submissive I will learn to take the big strapon she likes using so much, and I will derive great pleasure receiving it. In fact, she tells me that in very short order I will no longer think about release for "Her" little cock as a reward for exceptionally good service, but that instead I will be begging for Her to fuck me with Her big strapon.
Over the last few months we've certainly engaged in anal play, as Mistress Alegria enjoys this activity and, being a good Mistress, She needs to know what makes me tick; where my response centers are. And she has certainly seen that I respond to having my ass played with. When she placed her small vibrating buttplug in my ass and turned it on I was in ecstasy, feeling pleasurable sensations I'd never felt before. When it was removed I begged for more. That experience and others have me excited and looking forward to this anal training program. I look forward to being pleasured by receiving a big strapon, even begging for it. The idea of enjoying being fucked by Her toys that are many times my size is so erotic to me.
However, up to this point I've only been able to handle relatively small toys in my ass without pain, not the big ones Mistress Alegria enjoys using; the ones she assures me with bring me the most pleasure once my body is properly conditioned. This pain is as much mental as physical. When I see Her big strapon juxtaposed against the little cock that formerly belonged to me I am intimidated. However, I've certainly seen cocks the size of Her strapon, and I've seen guys take them that size. With Her experience and wisdom in such matters I trust that She is absolutely correct regarding my eventual ability to do so as well and enjoy it. And so, as with "Her" little cock, I've willingly turned over my ass to Her for Her to do with as she knows best. She has taken ownership.
Recently we purchased a custom made, locking buttplug harness from Chained Desires. This harness was fitted so as to be comfortable, and is quite secure. Once locked on with a buttplug in place it cannot be removed with unlocking. Another nice feature is that the rings holding the buttplug in the harness can be replaced with larger rings to accommodate larger buttplugs.
As explained to me by Mistress Alegria the purpose of this harness is multi-fold. First and foremost I will be wearing plugs for many hours at a time to help condition my body to anal entry. As time goes on bigger and bigger plugs with be used until I can pleasurably accommodate Mistress Alegria's preferred strapons.
Another purpose of this harness is to reinforce Mistress Alegria's dominance over me. When locked in place with "Her" little cock also locked it is a clear symbol that She owns all of me. With every movement I make I will be reminded that She is in control of even the innermost depths of my body.
Another benefit of this device is that it really looks good. With my matching collar and my chastity cage in place I am quite a sight in this harness (pictures will be posted soon). Being exhibitionistic in nature I look forward to wearing this new harness to public events, demonstrating for all the world to see that Mistress Alegria truly possesses all of me!
As our relationship has deepened over the past few months I've come to trust that Mistress Alegria truly has my best interests at heart. And She is so correct that I need to be wiped clean of all vestiges of my cock-centered attitude. Thus the switch to the mindset of a pleasure receiver rather than that of a pleasure giver, as "Her" little cock is unable to deliver pleasure. And to truly accept this reality to my deepest core, my physical and mental limitations regarding taking a relatively big strapon need to be removed. Thus the conditioning program.
And so the precess begins. I look forward with anticipation and I must admit some trepidation, although I know that Mistress Alegria, having my best interest at heart, will push me when I am ready to be pushed and will pull back a bit when needed as well. She is experienced at this and I trust Her probably more than I've ever trusted anyone before. I've certainly been more open with Her regarding my deepest thoughts than with anyone else.
I know I need more training to be a really good little subbie. And so the process continues .......
And I am happy!